Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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