if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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