what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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