had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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