help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
