I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize