I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
