Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize