im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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