You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
