that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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