remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
