I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
