I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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