Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
where does the pee come out of this thing
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
