I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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