so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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