Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
