I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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