You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
