Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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