Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
