why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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