She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
