once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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