I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize