help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
