Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
