fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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