I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
