hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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