She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
