Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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