I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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