dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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