worst night to have a conscience
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
