she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
