worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Randomize
