I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
