he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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