Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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