I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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