Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He shit in the fireplace
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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