i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
