my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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