Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
