One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.