My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes