wat bout pragnant strippers??
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.