DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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