3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
