I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
