i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
