That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
