I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
