she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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