Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
