My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
