first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
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Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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