I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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