My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
