So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
