you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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